


Until Everything Ends

by Walter247



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: F/M, M/M, domestic AU, everyone is human and legal, with the occasional bad end
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-06-03 08:44:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6604348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Walter247/pseuds/Walter247
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On February 14th of Hiyoko's first year Shuu was going to kill her, but did not. Now she'll be graduating in a little over six months and his decision to spare her has resulted in consequences that he never could have anticipated. It's clear that Shuu has some choices to make. Just how much of his life is he willing to share with this girl and what sort of complications will come from his decision?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Realizations in Red

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the first chapter of my Hatoful Boyfriend fic. I am a writer in the real world so I’ll be updating this in my free time and since I now have two fics running I hope to earn your patience. This is a Human AU and everyone is legal, for the record. I’ll be featuring several chapters with “bad ends” that will deviate massively from any established plot points (consider this a simple heads up). Enjoy!

She was late… again, later than usual. Shuu stood outside the festival grounds. He could hear the orchestra of drums and voices behind him; small children laughing and shrieking, a thousand conversations swirling into a single sound, and all of it to the beating of drums.

He sighed. Somehow she always managed to be late, year after year. But this would be the last. Yes, certainly the last. After graduation that annoying little girl would take off, hopefully somewhere far away; the farther the better, in his opinion.

He glanced at the watch on his wrist. It was just after nine. He shouldn’t be here, for multiple reasons. And yet he couldn’t help but want to indulge her one last time. A smile crept on to his face. Oh ho ho, she was too late this time, far too late. He smirked at the thought of what he would charge her for this. Her left arm? Yes, she didn’t need that anymore. Her high school career was nearly over. She wouldn’t miss it. He laughed to himself. What he wouldn’t give to see that look on her face. _Hold out your hand Tosaka, this will only hurt a bit._

The minutes ticked on. This was getting annoying, bordering on insulting. Oh he would have her head for this. _Won_ _’t it be nice, Miss Tosaka? You_ _’ll be by my side forever, just like you wanted._ That foolish little girl who was always peering over his shoulder… If only she directed that obsessive nature of hers towards her punctuality instead of him.

“Sensei!” Her sing-songy voice pierced through his train of thought.

“You’re late, Tosaka!” he snarled, turning to face her. His heart might have stopped, skipped at the very least, rising to a faster rhythm. Somewhere around 56 was his normal heart rate. He could feel it climbing, 67, 72, 78…

Hiyoko had always _stood out_ to him in a sense. In a world where everything was grey, a single bit of color was enough to capture his attention. Her red hair had done just that, but this? In front of him stood his tiny female assistant in a red yukata. She was practically glowing. So much red, it was radiant against her pale grey skin.

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting, Sensei, getting dressed without a mirror can be difficult,” she giggled. Her lips were painted the lightest shade of red he thought he could see, making that smile of hers brighter than the festival lanterns.

He fought for his words. Where had they gone? Was she really rendering him speechless?

“Sensei? Are you alright?” She frowned. Was he making some sort of troubling expression? He corrected it, his eyes easing back into his usual cold stare.

“I thought perhaps you’d gained some sense and decided not to come.”

“And miss this?” she said without skipping a beat. She had a response for everything these days. Could nothing shock her anymore?

Shuu returned to the script in his head, smiling. “Miss Tosaka, you know the price for my attendance. Isn’t it about time you paid up?”

She held out her hand, palm up. “My left arm? All yours.”

That was twice in one night, in less than five minutes, that she had caught him off guard. Did she think he was playing games with her? He stared at her, her smile did not waver. He looked down at her arm, at her shoulder where he would sever it from her body. He could picture the blood, the red, the horrified expression she would have, all things he wanted, and suddenly found the idea unappealing.

“No,” he said. “The fireworks are starting soon. We should find our spot before it gets too crowded.” He turned towards the hill on the right.

Hiyoko came running after him, placing herself on his right side. “Aww, I wanted to check out the Takoyaki stall. My friend, Azami got the spot this year!” she whined.

Shuu rolled his eyes. “Well if you hadn’t been so late then perhaps you could have seen her. You dragged me here and made me wait so we’re going to go see the fireworks.”

“Hmph!” She folded her arms. “After all the effort I put into looking nice for you!”

For him? He felt his heart rate escalating again. He didn’t like it. _Ignore it, h_ e thought. It was simply another sad attempt at winning his affection. She must be aware that this was one of her _last chances_ to impress him. _Foolish girl._ He looked down at her and despite his thoughts could not deny how stunning she looked in red.

* * *

 

 

The fireworks began suddenly, right as Shuu found their spot by a tree. Hiyoko sat on his left. This would be the last time, she knew. She wanted to lean into him or suddenly find his hand placed carelessly around her shoulder, beyond wishful thinking. She had promised herself that she would focus on the fireworks. She’d developed a bad habit of watching him when she thought he wasn’t looking, a mistake to never make with Iwamine-sensei. He was always looking.

She looked up at the sky and watched the explosion of a green firework. It was one of the ones that fizzled out rather than just exploding. Those were her favorite. What where Shuu’s? She couldn’t help herself. Hiyoko wanted to see that look his eyes. He loved fireworks and it showed. As far as she knew it was the only time that cold analytical stare of his broke down. Hiyoko let her eyes drift to the side, just a glance, but found herself meeting a stare from him. Her heart jumped in her chest. He looked as suspicious of her as ever, but still, why would he be looking at her?

* * *

 

 

The show ended around eleven. Shuu hadn’t even realized the finale had started until Hiyoko had pointed out a particularly large red burst in the sky. His mind had been elsewhere. Too many thoughts, most of which were entirely incoherent, were swirling inside his head. It was enough of a distraction that he did not fight Tosaka’s suggestion that they walk around the fairgrounds until midnight. He was too distracted by the abundance of red to roll his eyes at her aimless comments and strange jokes. On nights like this the world was almost in color, red lanterns, red light, red flowers. Everything glowed. It was almost overwhelming when the rest of the year only varied in its shades of grey. And yet he found it impossible to lose Tosaka in the crowd. He could pick her out no matter how far she wandered. He couldn’t seem to miss that hair of hers.

It was twelve o’clock. Hiyoko walked close to him on his left side, maybe too close. Somehow they had wandered past the fairgrounds. Shuu was far from complaining. He’d had more than enough of large social gatherings for one night, but they kept walking. He wasn’t even aware of it. He would have happily walked all night, ignoring the growing strain in his right leg, if Tosaka hadn’t stepped out in front of him. Whatever makeup she had on was not hiding how tired she was.

“Sensei, thank you! Thank you for coming with me again, I mean. I should let you go home, but first-!” She reached inside the small bag she was carrying and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, scribbling frantically and then quickly shoving the pen back inside.

Shuu wasn’t sure which he felt first: her hand taking his, locking her piece of paper into his grasp or her face next to his, her lips pressed briefly but firmly against his cheek. He couldn’t be sure that it had happened at all until she had already taken off down the street, waving “Good night, Sensei!” as she ran.

“Tosaka! Get back here!” he shouted after her when the shock broke, but she was gone and his leg would never allow him the speed required to catch up. He stood in the middle of the sidewalk, fuming. _That damn stupid little girl…_ he thought. He would certainly take her head for this. It was no longer a question of _if_ but a question of _when_. He would, he would…

* * *

 

 

By the time Shuu reached home it was nearing one o’clock in the morning. His leg was screaming from the walk. This had been a long day, and not a productive one. After slipping his shoes off he went straight for the bathroom, flicking the light switch. He stared at himself in the mirror. Tosaka’s lipstick clung to his cheek. He could feel it, sticky, caked on with a heaviness that felt different from skin. It had always been a mystery to him how women could stand to wear makeup. With some of it stamped on to him he understood it even less.

The doctor reached for a cloth in his jacket and held it under the faucet before pressing it to his cheek. He tried his best not to smudge any of it. The imprint of it on the cloth was clear, satisfactory. It would do. Shuu folded it and only then realized the piece of paper Tosaka had shoved into his hand was still there. He placed it next to the folded cloth on the sink and leaned down to wash the rest of his face, not bothering to take off his glasses.

He knew the next step. With his face dried off he took the two specimens and went directly for the basement. He stared down the set of stairs in front of him. No doubt he’d be spending the night down there. Getting back up these stairs was out of the question. He used the railing to steady himself and took each step slowly, one at a time.

At the bottom of the stairs he eyed his desk pushed up against the back wall and the filing cabinet beside it. Sitting down was certainly a sort of relief. He would be sore in the morning, but there had been worse days, days where he was forced to take pain killers, or use the cane he had stashed in the closet.

          The aching right half of his body aside, he had some work to do. He placed the note and cloth side by side. Shuu pulled open the top drawer and reached for a pair of white gloves. There was no need to be taking such precautions. He wasn’t paranoid enough to believe that Tosaka had done something harmful to the paper. The gloves would, however, help preserve whatever she had written. He reached for tweezers. What had his assistant written on it? The possibilities made him laugh. Her phone number, address, a confession? She must be truly desperate.

          He unfolded the slip of paper, tugged it closer. The characters were messy, almost illegible, but he had learned to translate her chicken scratch some time ago.

 

_I.O.U one left arm_

_\--Hiyoko_

          He placed the tweezers down, leaning back in his chair. The resolve he’d had in the decision to finally kill her was already fading. He went back into the drawer that held his box of gloves and pulled out two bags, taking a pen and labeling them: _Tosaka, Hiyoko S1-90,, Tosaka, Hiyoko S2-90._ Shuu slowly rose from his chair. His right leg was less than thrilled to be forced back into use, but it wouldn’t be far this time. He stumbled up to the filing cabinet and opened the third drawer. He briefly looked at its contents: the lock of Tosaka’s hair, her 2nd year student ID, and a bag of a few assorted notes she’d written while organizing the infirmary. He placed the two new additions side by side and closed the drawer, returning to the chair. Hiyoko Tosaka: once again she had proven to defy expectations.

* * *

 

 

          The next day proved to be long, painfully so. Shuu found himself unable to fall into the pit of endless work that usually came so easily to him. His eyes kept returning to the clock on the wall. He hated that thing. It was often a glaring reminder of how little he’d accomplished in the work day. This time, however, it seemed to be crawling. He couldn’t keep his eyes on his notes, his experiments, anything. The various students that visited the infirmary did even less to pass the time.

          Tosaka would not show up until last period. She reported Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Sakazaki came on the other days. The set up was the only way Shuu could keep himself sane. The two of them together was a nightmare. Just thinking about dealing with both of them at once made Shuu tired, not that he hadn’t been already. Last night had been an unnecessary all-nighter, the unproductive kind.

          Shuu’s eyes glanced up at the clock again. His assistant would be here in an hour. Kawara had already been by for his medicine, and most students knew better than to show up this late in the afternoon. He could afford it. Shuu pushed himself up from his desk and laid down on the bed nearest the window. He was not a nap person but on days like this some breaks in routine were necessary. It was better to make a decision like this than to push himself to the point of a black out like he so often did. As soon as he closed his eyes he could already feel himself drifting, the mattress swallowing him, suspending him somewhere dark.

 

          Something touched him, disturbed the space. Shuu’s left hand grabbed for the thing that woke him. An arm, yes, he had grabbed hold of an arm, the wrist to be more specific.

                “Sensei! You’re awake!” the voice, that could belong to no one other than his female assistant, yelped.

                “I am now. Must you always make such a racket, Miss Tosaka?” He pinched the top and underside of her wrist, where he knew the veins would be visible. It would hurt. Hiyoko tore her hand out of his grasp. He let his hand fall back against the mattress before pushing himself upright. “Would you care to explain yourself, Tosaka?”

“I’m sorry, sir. Your glasses were falling off. I didn’t want you to break them.”

Shuu glanced up at his assistant who stood there, holding her wrist. Was that concern on her face? It annoyed him. “Keep your hands to yourself, please.”

He got up from the bed, returning to his desk. He was out for at least an hour. Perhaps now he could get some work done. He’d been in the middle of a journal entry for Kawara Ryouta. He wasn’t responding to tests as they were. Adjustments needed to be made if he was going to continue as the probable candidate for the virus. Shuu began scribbling down the rest of his notes.

Tosaka was an odd girl. Perhaps _odd_ was putting it too mildly, but Shuu had come to enjoy her company. She leaned towards more interesting conversation than most that passed through, so why did he find her presence so irritating today? He felt constantly aware of her movements, the sounds of her organization, the sound of her breathing (almost silent), the way her short hair slipped out from behind her ear at the slightest movement, the very sight of her, the knowledge that she was in the room was more than he could stand.

“Tosaka?” He looked at her as he stashed away the files on Kawara in the cabinet beside where she was cleaning.

“Yes, sir?” She spun around to face him, knocking over a bottle of pills that sat on the counter. It landed with a loud _thump_ against the tile. “Oh, sorry!” She turned around again and bent over to grab the medicine, flashing him in the process.

Something snapped. Shuu didn’t know if it was an imaginary representation of his patience or Tosaka’s arm when he threw her on top of his desk. He didn’t care.

Her skirt was flipped up, her jacket slouching off her shoulder from where he’d grabbed her. Shuu had her left arm pulled up, locking his fingers around her wrist. Her right arm was twisted under her.

He leaned into her. “I’m getting tired of these games you’re playing, Miss Tosaka. Did you really expect me to allow you to continue as you pleased? Is this what you were hoping for, hmm?” Shuu hissed. He stared down at her, waiting. Would she cry, beg, apologize, maybe a combination of the three? Any excuse at all to cut out her tongue would be a welcome change to that smile she so carelessly plastered on her face. She deserved this. His eyes searched hers, no tears, not even surprise. The only change that he could perceive was her bangs falling to the right side and she blinked. Once. He dug his nails into her wrist. A reaction, she had to react.

Hiyoko arched her back, allowing her trapped arm to escape. Would she try to smack him away now? He waited for it, wanted it even, more than he wanted her. Her hand rested gently on the side of his face and then pushed his slipping glasses back on to his nose. She did not smile, did not make a sound, just that one movement.

Shuu let go, backed up against the wall. Nothing he could do would faze this girl, not anymore. His resolve was gone again. His assistant slowly pushed herself off the desk. There was broken glass, scattered papers, she was not uninjured.

“Sensei…?” she approached him.

“Get out.”

“Sensei, are you alright?” she tilted her head to side. A few strands of her red hair bent against her shoulder. It sent another shock, a crack through him.

“I said get out,” he repeated. He wanted to shout it, make her flinch, but he couldn’t find it in him. Hiyoko’s shoulders tensed, she walked past Shuu, picking up her bag and bowing at the door. “Sorry to bother you.” The sliding door closed behind her. It echoed inside him, rippled, hit the surface like an explosion. Shuu’s right fist slammed into the shelf behind him. He felt the glass beakers shatter against his knuckles, but felt the pain of it puncturing his skin less than he would have liked. His breathing was heavy; he bent over the counter, letting the pain he could feel hang there. Shards of glass were pushed deep into the skin. He wondered if Tosaka was walking around in a similar state. Where had the glass cut into her? Were the shards deep? Was she bleeding? Shuu’s ragged breathing turned into laughter when he thought about it, not the fact that she would be pulling glass out of her skin, but the fact that it had caused him to do the same. Adjustments would need to be made.

* * *

 

8/90

_Subject K continues to test negatively despite changes in dosage. Observations from blood samples show increased resistance. Should further adjustments to treatment prove inadequate steps may have to be taken to dismiss the subject as a_

          The movement of Shuu’s pen stopped mid-sentence when he heard a knock on the infirmary door. He closed Kawara’s file, sliding it under other papers and continued a different unfinished sentence on an order form.

          The door slid open. Out of the corner of his eye, Shuu could see two people enter, one of which was wearing red. “Pardon the intrusion, Iwamine-sensei,” the first one said.

          Shuu looked up from his papers. Two men stood in the doorway, one of which cowered behind the other.  “Uzune-sensei, Nanaki-sensei, can I help you?” He folded his bandaged right hand under his left.

          Uzune looked over his shoulder at Nanaki. “Kazuaki-kun, go on.” He shifted his shoulder. He remained latched on to the red scarf that Hitori always had draped loosely over his shoulders, shaking his head back and forth. “Kazuaki, you were the one who wanted to come here. You need to learn to talk to him yourself.”

                “But Uzune…” Nanaki whined.

                “If you two don’t have business here then I have to insist that you leave. I am busy and don’t have time for idle chatter.” Shuu returned to his order form, scribbling quantiles to the side before adding them to a note pad.

                “My apologies, Sensei. You see, Kazuaki-kun and I came to discuss something with you.” Uzune did one of his nervous laughs. Shuu didn’t mind him. Hitori was a capable professor, unlike the man that could almost always be found clinging to him. The name he’d made for himself in the world of mathematics was fairly admirable. Why he chose to associate with the likes of Nanaki was a mystery. Shuu had never witnessed Nanaki’s instruction for himself but if his usual behavior was any indicator it would be wonder if his students learned anything.

                “If you must.” Shuu didn’t bother to look up from his papers this time.

                “We were hoping that you could clear up the events of this past Monday. We are concerned about Tosaka Hiyoko,” he explained.

          Shuu’s pen froze again. His right hand curled into a fist, tight enough that he could feel the stitches straining beneath the bandages. He did not want to talk about Tosaka. He did not want to know about her, hear about her, see her, nothing. “I’m not having this conversation, Sensei. Miss Tosaka is none of my concern.”

                “But Tosaka is upset!” Nanaki suddenly blurted out, stepping out from behind Uzune. It was almost shocking, but more aggravating. Shuu barely needed to stare at him before he stumbled back behind Hitori.

                “What Kazuaki-kun is trying to say is that Tosaka-kun is quite distressed. She’s been spacing out during both of our classes. She’s become distant, verging on anti-social. It’s unlike her.”

          Shuu put the completed form to the side. “While that is unfortunate I’m not sure why her mental state would be my problem. Unless you fear for her safety I don’t see why you would come to me.”

                “Your decision to kick her off the Health Committee was awfully sudden, sir. You have said on multiple occasions she’s the best assistant you’ve ever had. It concerns me that you would remove someone that valuable without rhyme or reason.” Hitori crossed his arms.

          Ah, yes, it made sense now. They were suspicious. Shuu doubted that Hiyoko had said a word about the incident. She wasn’t stupid, and neither was Uzune. It didn’t take a genius to put together that something had happened. “With all due respect, Sensei, whatever my reason may have been it is none of your business. I may dismiss an assistant at any time, justified or not.”

                “That’s enough!” Nanaki stepped out again. “Keep your heartless, vague excuses to yourself!” He walked up to Shuu’s desk and slammed his hands down on the surface. “Tosaka is one of the brightest students at this academy! Every professor here wants her to pursue their subject, Uzune and I are no exception! Have you heard the way she recites poetry or have you seen the way she works out complex math equations? She’s the female track star and vice principle of the student council. She does it all and does it well! Any of us would be blessed to have her as an assistant, but who does she choose to follow? You, Iwamine, you! She’s chosen biology over literature, over math, even over sports! You decided to be influential now take some fucking responsibility for it!” he shouted. His face was red and tears were slipping out of the corner of his eyes.

          Shuu sat there almost awe-struck, though his face didn’t show it. Never would he have imagined Nanaki of all people having the guts to deliver such a rant.

                “Kazuaki-kun, that’s enough, calm down. Sensei, I’m sorry, please forgive him for speaking so harshly. We both simply care deeply for Tosaka-kun’s wellbeing.” Hitori pulled Nanaki away. He didn’t fight him, shrinking into Uzune’s shoulder, returning to his familiar sobbing mess.

                “Don’t apologize for him, Uzune-sensei. It’s clear he meant every word. Nanaki-sensei, you have made a good point, however that does not change my decision. I have removed her from the committee and that’s that.” Shuu rested his chin on his hands. “Now if you’ll excuse me gentlemen, I have paperwork I need to catch up on.”

          Uzune nodded, heading for the door, leading Nanaki out with him. “Thank you for your time, Sensei.”

                “Wait, Uzune.” Shuu stopped him.

                “Yes?”

                “I’ve been meaning to ask how Fujishiro-kun has been doing.”

          Hitori’s smile fell, his hand that had been placed on Nanaki’s shoulder moved to tuck a strand of his black hair behind his ears. “He’s got a ways to go,” he said. “Sensei, I understand you may have cut off contact with Tosaka-kun, but would you please continue to allow her visitation rights? She’s been a great help in Nageki’s recovery. I would like him to continue to have the outside contact, aside from me and Kazuaki-kun of course.”

          Shuu nodded to himself and jotted a quick note down on his note pad: _reactivate Saturday evening access, Tosaka._ “I see no reason to not allow it. Consider it done.”

                “Thank you, have a good day, Sensei. “ He bowed his head again, sliding the door shut behind him.

          The silence that followed their departure was strangely uncomfortable. Shuu looked at his bandaged right hand. His decision was final. He could not risk it. If she were any other girl he may have acted differently (not that any other girl would have captured his attention) but Hiyoko came with a rule book. She was protected, though it was unlikely that she knew that. _She isn_ _’t worth it,_ he told himself, straining the stitches in his hand again. _She_ _’s not._

* * *

 

 

          Later that night Kazuaki was pacing. Hitori watched him. “Come sit down,” he called to him for maybe the fourth or fifth time.

                “I don’t like it!” was the only response he got which earned another sigh. The room could barely contain all of the nervous energy radiating off of the man. It was suffocating, but no different from when Hitori did it himself. He tried to remind himself of that.

                “Did you take your medication today?”

                “Did you take yours?” Kazuaki shot back. He nodded.

          There was no other sound in the room aside from the footsteps and failed attempts at discussion. When Nageki was there it was no doubt lacking even those bits and pieces of noise, but it somehow never sounded this empty. What a disaster of a patchwork family they were, Hitori thought now and again, made up of an emotionally-compromised poet, neurotic mathematician, and a boy who preferred books over people. They were related by nothing more than words. That third party, his little brother, had been missing for some time now, leaving their scale unbalanced. Maybe that’s why these nights had been more frequent in the past few weeks.

                “Hon…” Hitori tried again, softer this time. That made him stop. Kazuaki glanced at him.

                “I’m worried.”

          Hitori put down the pen that he’d forgotten he was holding and walked to his side. “We’ve done what we can.” Kazuaki was significantly shorter than his partner, making the man, who was already a bit small, look tiny.

                “No we haven’t!” And he resumed pacing.

                “Hon, I’m worried too, but—“

                “No, you’re not. If you were worried you would have gotten the information yourself.” It almost came out as a hiss.

                “Kazuaki, I think you might be overreacting.”

                “She was stabbed in the back, Hitori! And I mean that quite literally!” he shouted.

          This was an argument waiting to happen. “What do you expect me to do?”

                “We are her teachers! It’s our job to protect our students!” He watched as tears started to well up in Kazuaki’s eyes.

                “It’s Iwamine we’re dealing with!”

                “All the more reason to intervene!”

                “Not when he holds my brother’s treatment in his hands!”

          Kazuaki all but glared at him “Our brother,” he corrected.

                “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it—“

          He got cut off again. “How can you say she’s like a daughter to you one day and then turn your back on her the next?” he demanded.

                “It’s not that simple and you know that.”

          He could tell that Kazuaki knew he was right, but it was tough thing to admit. Tosaka was important to them, but family came first. “But what if he really did hurt her?”

          Hitori hugged him. That was a very real possibility, one that made his skin crawl. He detested the man probably more than Kazuaki did, but this was a game they had to play. Their brother was too sick in too many ways for him to come home.

                “I don’t know,” he said truthfully. “Just wait it out a little longer, please, hon.”

                “And do nothing?” The tears had really started now. His boyfriend gripped the sleeves of his striped shirt.

          Hitori didn’t know. He didn’t.


	2. The Warning Signs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiyoko may know more than she is letting on and Shuu to question himself. There is more to this than meets the eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. Yes I know it's been awhile and yes I know this chapter is short. I apologize for both of these things. College and major health issues made things tricky. I put a lot of research into this chapter so I hope it is all correct. I apologize if it's a little off since I'm not a doctor or nurse. Enjoy the chapter.

Tosaka was nothing, if not persistent. Her attempts at reconciling their “relationship” not only continued to prove pointless but increasingly agitating. Somehow his attempt on her drove her closer rather than farther away. The contradiction made his eyes roll, and at the same time he found it unnerving. Her presence marked itself on the infirmary much in the way the glass had scarred his hand, a constant reminder of a sort of failure. Shuu couldn’t keep her away, he couldn’t scare her. She didn’t belong here, no more than that, Tosaka, Hiyoko was dangerous. Shuu couldn’t chance her. His research was more important than some love sick school girl.

                But then again, with his position he could cover up just about anything. And he already knew she wouldn’t fight him. He could. If he wanted too…but that was ridiculous and as fast as the thought pressed itself into his brain he swatted it away. He was not so desperate, not like her.

                “Iwamine Sensei.” Her voice rang in his ears once again.

                “Get out, Tosaka,” he ordered.

                The small girl walked to his desk, her steps loud and deliberate. “Let me back on the committee!” She demanded.

                “Tosaka, I have told you no every day for the last two months. What makes you think today will be different?” He didn’t give her the satisfaction of looking up to meet her eyes.

                “I don’t give up, Sensei, especially not on this! It goes against my nature.”

                Shuu was getting annoyed now. “Sakazaki-kun and I are perfectly fine running the infirmary without your assistance. Now get out. This is the last time I’ll say it,” he warned.

                “No! You fired me over that stupid incident? That’s not the kind of man you are!” she insisted, leaning over his desk.

                The kind of man he was? Had she truly learned nothing from that _incident_ , as she put it. “And just what would you know about that Tosaka?” he snarled, whipping out a scalpel from his lap coat pocket and pressing it into her throat. “If you knew the kind of man I was you wouldn’t be here. You’d find some other to obsess over and spare me the cleanup.” Shuu just barely grazed her skin. But he would do it this time, he would, he would, he would. Oh just to picture it, Her red blood gushing out of the hole in her throat. But he didn’t. He waited for her to lurch backwards

                But she didn’t jump back. Instead she took her hand and pressed the knife deeper, letting a small trickle of blood spill down her neck, speckling her white shirt. The color was magnificent, but perhaps not nearly as impressive as her actions. His mouth hung open.

                “I know exactly the sort of man you are, Sensei.” She leaned in closer. “And I also know that you won’t kill me.”

                And just how could she be so sure of that? Here he stood with a knife to her throat and she was suggesting, no, she was convinced that he would not harm her.  

                Hiyoko held the knife there still. She was smiling. “I know you won’t kill me because you haven’t killed in two years.” His heart fell into his feet as did the scalpel from his hand. His former assistant stepped back. “You don’t have it in you anymore, Sensei.” Tosaka dressed the wound on her neck and left without another word.

                Shuu sat there, shaken. How could she have known? Yes it was true. He almost found it shameful, but a new virus sweeping across South America had taken up plenty of his attention, enough to spare the students here. But that wasn’t the issue anymore. How could she know what sort of man he was and still chase after him? Still she persisted? Still she claimed to love him.

* * *

 

 

                Shuu was busy dreaming of things that he shouldn’t be, dreaming of Tosaka, letting his imagination run wild behind his eyelids as he lay in bed for the first time in a week. What might he have done that day that was now months ago, a silly question. But beyond having her he fantasized about cutting into her, drawing with his scalpel on her tanned skin. He’d never been much of an artist making the idea unnecessarily romantic. But still he pictured it, how she would bleed in patterns that he himself had crafted, and she would lie still, longing for him to continue. Now that was truly pushing past the realm of possibility. Despite that he smiled. In dark he didn’t have to deny wanting her, in the dark no one else could hear him whisper her name. Four O’clock  in the morning was good at keeping secrets.

* * *

 

 

                It wouldn’t be much longer now, Shuu thought on a day in mid-January. As much he…enjoyed his late night fantasies, Tosaka would forever be considered a nuisance in the infirmary. It would be only a few more months before his little problem flew off to college, never to cloud his mind again.

                And yet…

                She had been absent now for two days. It left the infirmary noticeably silent. Shuu cherished silence. He craved it like a caffeine addict might coffee, but this was an uncomfortable silence. The kind similar to the day of the incident with the glass. He kept checking the clock. She would show up today for sure, like she always did. He’d send her away in an instant but she would show herself.

                But she didn’t. No, it wasn’t until the next day that he saw her.

* * *

 

 

                Hitori had been drinking too much coffee. It was true that he preferred tea but recently he felt drawn to the extra caffeine. Maybe it was that caffeine that made him so jittery in recent weeks. Kazuaki seemed to think so as he commented on the third cup that was in Hitori’s hands while they sat at their desks in the staff room.  

                “Drink your tea, Uzune” his partner encouraged.

                Hitori paused mid sip. Yes, he should probably lay off the coffee. “Sorry ahaha.” He heard his nervous laugh slip out.

                Kazuaki took the coffee and handed him a cup of tea. It was mango, his favorite. It calmed his nerves. The mathematician got up from his seat, tea in hand, the other ruffling the curls on his boyfriend’s head. He stepped towards the window. It was cold today, well below freezing. He could feel the cold trying to creep in through the glass. It made him shiver.

                “I think we can expect a few absences today,” Hitori said, glancing back at Kazuaki who was drinking his own cup of tea.

                “Really?” He looked at him with mild panic.

                “Deep breathes.” He told him and Kazuaki did so. “It’s freezing out. We’ll be missing a few.” He turned back to the window and caught a glimpse of red and blue against the white ground. “Tosaka-kun is here,” he noted with a smile on his face. She’d been absent three days. It was good to see her. Except…something was off? Her movements were slow and sluggish.

                And then she hit the ground.

                Hitori was out the door and sprinting down the hallway before he could even fully register the situation or his broken tea cup on the floor.

                “Hitori?!” Kazuaki called after him, but he was long gone.

                He found her on the snowy walkway right outside the school. “Tosaka-kun!” he grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her over. Her nose and hands were completely drained of color.

                “God…” Hitori had not seen frostbite this severe since he was a kid. “Tosaka-kun can you hear me? It’s Uzune-sensei. I’ve got you, okay?” he lifted her up in his arms. Her lightness reminded him of Nageki. She was easy to carry.

                Kazuaki was quick to join him. He covered his mouth at the sight of his student in his boyfriend’s arms.

                “I’ve got her.” He assured him and started to walk towards the school. “I’ve got her.”

                “What’s going on? What’s happened to her?”

                “She’s unconscious and frostbitten, get Iwamine-Sensei.”

                “But shouldn’t we take her to the emergency room?” Kazuaki asked.

                “Go!”

                Kazuaki took off running, tears welling up in his eyes.

* * *

 

 

                At the sight of her, something inside Shuu was shaken. Tosaka, in the arms of Uzune, half frozen to death. Something, perhaps the same something that made him grab her months ago, splintered in his chest. “Set her down there.” He pointed to an empty cot.

                “Is there anything we can do to help?” Kazuaki spoke up.

                “No, now get out.” Shuu ordered.

                “But—” he started to say.

                “I said out!” Shuu didn’t hear them leave but when he looked up they had gone.

                The first step was helping her regain consciousness. “Tosaka.” He called, standing over her. “Can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes.” She didn’t respond. He leaned down and said, louder this time, “Tosaka, open your eyes for me.” Still nothing. “Hiyoko,” he said, with what might have a twinge of pleading in his voice “Open your eyes.” He brushed her damp hair out of her face.

                Tosaka’s face scrunched up, her lips parted, a small raspy sigh coming from her throat. Shuu almost sighed with relief.

                “Open your eyes, Tosaka.” He instructed. Hiyoko seemed strained to do so. “Come on girl, look at me” He said, more to himself than to her.

                After what seemed like a long battle the girl opened her eyes and looked at Shuu. She blinked. “Sensei, is that you?”

                “Don’t ask stupid questions. Now I need to get you out of these clothes.” But he needed her consent to do it.

                “Okay.” She gave a weak nod.

                Shuu got scissors and carefully cut her out of her clothes, leaving her in her bra and underwear. The next step was to get some warm water. “Can you sit up?” he asked as he stood in front of the sink, filling up four containers. These were less than ideal circumstances. This was not an intensive care unit, but he refused to turn her over to a hospital. He would do this himself.

                “Yes,” he heard her answer, but when he turned around she was struggling. He sighed and put the first two containers down by her feet.

                “Don’t push yourself.” He said, pressing his hand against her back, helping her sit up. Her skin was ice cold. He needed to warm up the rest of her. Shuu went to one of the cabinets and pulled out a blanket and then draped it over her, rubbing her shoulders. This would have to do for now until he could get her another set of clothes. “You damn stupid girl, do you have a death wish?” Shuu asked, a question he’d had rolling around in his mind for months. The silence she answered with was highly off-putting. Tosaka was never this quiet, never without an answer. He wanted her to grin ridiculously and proclaim that this was nothing for a hunter-gatherer. It surprised him just how much he wanted it. The thought occurred to him that if she hadn’t dragged herself here she would have died and for half a second the scenario scared him. “This is going to hurt.” He warned, lifting her feet into the warm water. Shuu went and grabbed the other containers of water and placed them on the cot. “Put your hands in here.”

                Hiyoko did as she was told. She might have flinched. This had to hurt, but Shuu was not as concerned with that as he was his next step. Did he have vasodilators? He had to. Shuu began scouring the shelves, scattering his numerous drugs along the counter until he found nitroglycerin. He could use this after her tissue warmed up more and he could get access to an artery, but that would take time. At the very least he could get the IV set up and ready to go.

                When he finished setting up he glanced over at Tosaka. She looked like she was in quite a bit of pain, which was understandable. It must have been painful to lose that much blood flow in the first place.

                The process of warming her tissue back up was slow, painfully so, and he meant that quite literally, at least in Tosaka’s case. He’d never witnessed her in pain, and he was surprised with himself.  He wanted to love her pain, to add to it. He had imagined the tears streaking her cheeks differently. But reality, it seemed, was determined to ignore his fantasies and preconceptions, however, thoughts for another time. He had bigger things to worry about, for example what artery he would use for the IV.

                The femoral artery was, in his opinion, the best choice for this point in recovery. It would be far from comfortable for Tosaka, but comfort was not exactly on his list of priorities.

                “Tosaka I need you to lay down.” Shuu instructed. He readied the tourniquet and asked her to lift up her leg. He tied it just above her knee and started looking for the vein. The femoral artery was located in the groin area. He found it without much trouble. Shuu opened the IV kit and began cleaning the site for the needle. With that area prepped he took his right hand and pulled the skin of her thigh down, anchoring the vein.

                Shuu reached for the catheter and needle and flicked off the tip. “This might hurt a bit.” He warned before slowly puncturing the skin. The flash chamber filled with blood. He’d gotten it. He pushed the catheter down as far as it would go and retracted the needle. Shuu placed his right hand above the injection site and held it there to keep the blood from pouring out. He reached for the tape he had and taped everything down before screwing in the tubing for the nitroglycerin. It was done. Now all that was left was to wait it out.

* * *

 

 

                With the crisis averted Shuu sat down at his desk, returning to paperwork and order forms, but those were near impossible to focus on. The thoughts he’d held at bay while tending to Tosaka were beginning to creep back in. And it wasn’t just about today. It was about the past few months. It was about that day in August. It was about Valentine’s Day two years ago. Something had come over him that he did not understand. He let her live, tolerated her, even—

                His breath hitched. It was impossible right? He wanted it to be impossible. The only thing he could possibly care for was his research. At least that’s what he’d been telling himself. He was a man of science. When facts presented themselves it was his job to take them in and study them further. Tosaka was no different. He could not afford a luxury such as denial. Whatever this was he had to accept it.

                “Sensei?” Hiyoko called for him. He looked over his shoulder, but said nothing. “Thank you.”

                He scoffed at her and turned back to his papers. “Be quiet and get some rest.”

                “Yes sir,” she answered and went silent. When he looked at her next she was sound asleep. He got from his desk and approached her bedside. Shuu watched her breathing. It was soft and steady. He wondered when the last time she had slept was. The dark rings around her eyes suggested days. His curiosity was getting the better of him. What could she have possibly done to land her in this situation he wondered?

                Tosaka still looked cold. Shuu pulled out another blanket and laid it on top of her. She shifted under the new weight, hair falling into her face. Without thinking he reached for her. As his fingers felt the coolness of her skin the door slid open. Shuu retracted his hand, placing it in his pocket.

                “Iwamine-Sensei!” a boy who was beginning to look too much like his father entered the room.

                Shuu held two fingers to his lips. “Sleeping.” He said simply, but it was not until he saw Tosaka for himself that Kawara’s shoulders relaxed. He sighed with what sounded, to Shuu, like relief. The boy took a seat on the neighboring cot and looked her over.

                “Is she going to be okay?” he asked.

                “Of course.” Shuu answered. “She is badly frost bitten but she will survive.”

                “Thank God.” Kawara let out another deep sigh.

                “However,” he began. “She will need to be careful. It’s going to take quite a while for the tissue to heal. It will be easy for her condition to worsen.”

                “Oh…” Ryouta looked down.

                “Kawara-kun,”

                “Yes?” he lifted his head.

                “Do you know how this happened?” Shuu asked.

                Ryouta blinked. “W-well…” he stuttered. “The snow storm last night was pretty severe.”

                Was that supposed to explain something? “And?”

                “She was probably out too much.” He looked away, rubbing his arm nervously.

                Shuu sighed. “Well she’ll have to put aside her hunting activities for a while.”

                “She can’t!” Kawara shouted, jumping up from the cot only to sink back down when he received a glare from Shuu. “She can’t,” he repeated, this time quieter.

                “Explain.”

                “Sensei, don’t you know? Hiyoko lives outside,” he said.

                “What do you mean?” Shuu tilted his head slightly.

                “I mean she lives in a cave outside. She has to hunt to survive.”

                Shuu went silent. So she was homeless was she? Perhaps somewhere in the back of his mind he’d known that. There had been clues. Between her occasionally dirty clothes and her self-proclaimed title of a “hunter-gather” there had been plenty of opportunities for him to figure it out. But then again it was only recently that he started caring.

                “She’ll stay with me.” Kawara said suddenly, breaking Shuu’s train of thought. “Mama will be happy to have her stay with us again.”

                Shuu nodded. It was a sort of relief. He wouldn’t waste energy and time worrying about the stupid girl if she was staying with him.

                “I’ll go call her right now.” He got up, cell phone in hand.

                “And then get back to class. I’ll take care of Tosaka.” He tried to assure him, but he was never very good at things like comforting people.

                Ryouta nodded and quickly excused himself. This left Shuu alone with Hiyoko once again. He took the spot that Kawara had occupied a moment ago and watched her sleep. She shifted again. This time Shuu did not reach for her. It would be unwise to allow himself to get carried away. While it was clear that he held some sort of feeling towards Tosaka he knew not the nature of them nor their depth. There was still much for him to learn about this girl. Perhaps even himself.

               


End file.
